The sound of someone saying “she is an older mom” may make you cringe a bit. Why? Because we have it drilled in to us that our fertility drops after 30, that we will do our kids a disservice by having them later in life (even though they wouldn’t even exist if our circumstances had been different). Now that I am 5 years in to motherhood and 42 years old, I can give you some perks of being an older mom.
To be completely honest, I never, and I mean never, thought I would want to have kids. Although I definitely enjoyed my nieces and nephews, I was fine being an aunt and didn’t have this maternal pull that my friends seemed to have. I always enjoyed my life in the city, had not met any man that truly clicked with me, and I really thought that my life was going to end up being happily single in New York living my best life.
You know life doesn’t usually work out the way you anticipate, which was certainly the case for me. My husband and I met when I was 33. Right off the bat I let him know that I wasn’t sure I would ever want kids. Although he was disappointed, he wanted to be with me regardless. We got married when I was 35…..and then this sneaky voice in the back of my head would whisper to me “he would make a great dad.” I would see him with other peoples kids and think….maybe? While on vacation in Spain we decided to extend our trip, the only problem was that I was going to run out of my bcp. We decided to throw caution to the wind while on our trip….and I came home pregnant.
I took the test a few weeks later. Two lines…I think? One is so faint, I’m not sure. Took another one…the line was darker. I took about 8 tests in two days and there was no denying it…it was positive. Our response? Holy f*cking shit! It didn’t feel real. It was nervous excitement. We didn’t think it would happen so fast, and now that its happened there was no going back! What have we gotten ourselves in to?
My first OB checkup was a blow to my ego. I was considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” Although that was the term used, she insisted that its only a medical term and that I was actually the average age of most first time moms in Manhattan. This made me feel (somewhat?) better.
I am very happy to report that my “old age” did not prevent me from becoming pregnant easily, nor did it lead to any complications in my pregnancies. I had my kids at 36 and at 38.
Now that I am 5 years in to motherhood, I have realized that I would not have done things any differently. Here are my Perks of Being an Older mom 😉
#1 – Financial Stability
By the time I was pregnant with my first, I was a decade in to my career and also had investments and real estate. These are things a younger version of me would never have seen the importance in, but I grew and learned to manage my money. Similarly, my husband was established in his work and financially stable. We were able to buy our home, and we were able to afford me changing my schedule so that I could be home with my kids more than I go to work- I switched to working just two days a week without being stressed about money, and able to really enjoy this new chapter of my life.
#2- Life Experience
By your mid 30’s, you have been through A LOT. You’ve learned so much about who you are. You’ve likely experienced different relationships, friendships, break-ups, jobs, regrets, accomplishments, loss…all of these things have made me a better mother. A better mother compared to younger moms? Absolutely not! But a better mom than the younger version of me would have been? Absolutely! The coping mechanisms, humor, and resilience that became a part of my personality through my experiences make me handle everything that motherhood throws at me in a much calmer way than I would have a decade prior.
#3 Traveling
If you have the opportunity to travel before you have kids…do it! Have you ever heard of anyone regretting too much travel? On the other hand, one of peoples biggest regrets at the end of their life was not having seen the world.
Ofcourse you will still travel after kids (we still do!). However, the traveling I did kid-free is one of the highlights of my life, some of the best chapters of my book. I was able to travel without the stress of either bringing kids with me (this is a family trip….DO NOT confuse this with a vacation!), and without the stress of leaving them with someone else and worrying about them while I’m gone.
#4 HEALTH benefits? Say What?
Numerous studies have shown that mothers who gave birth after 33 y ears old are more likely to live to be over 90! They haven’t exactly figured out why this happens, though they did identify a dna protein complex, called a telomere, that protects your chromosomes which was found in higher quantity in “geriatric moms.” Woohoo!
#5 It Keeps Me Young!
It may sound silly, but being a mom of two small kids makes me feel younger. I am constantly running after them and playing with them. Whether it be tea parties or playing soccer…they make me feel like a kid again. And yes, I do still have plenty of energy to do these things!
#6 I am More Involved
Since I am more financially secure than my younger self was, I have a lot more time to be with my kids as I work less. I am a total PTA mom, and volunteer for school field trips, fundraising, holiday parties, etc. I am much more present than my younger counterparts who are still in the trenches of building their careers and working full time.
There are clearly many benefits to being a younger mom, and I am certainly not here to say that one is better than the other. However, I would love to help de-stigmatize the ‘older mom’ as if there is anything wrong with it. There isn’t! Motherhood at any age is beautiful and comes with its own set of advantages and disadvantages. Doing things in the timeline thats right for you will make you the best mother to your kids.
I would love to hear your feedback on this topic!
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